I’m not one for New Year’s Resolutions as let’s face it, the success rate of such pledge isn’t promising. I think for me, just by calling a goal a New Year’s Resolution, it loses its probability of success. It gives me the idea that I’m doing it because a date rolled around on a calendar, not because the goal is what’s best for me.

Perhaps that’s my own mental gymnastics, but I think it’s important to assess the reason for doing something. Doing so helps us achieve long term success.

I read in the newspaper recently that Scientists say habits get wired into our brains. It went into a lot of scientific gobbledygook, but it’s true. I have a late evening snack most every night. It usually is light-butter popcorn or a few slices of goat cheese. Since reading the article I’ve  looked at whether I’m even hungry when I have my late evening snack. Most of the time … I’m not. It’s just what I do. I grab my token snack. When my large 24-pack box of popcorn gets low, I buy more. It’s my late evening snack.

So when it comes to parenting, how do we best set a goal?

1. Stop and think about what we do and our responses to situations with our children. Is it what we want to do and say?
2. Realize our autopilot will not bring successful change.
3. Look for situations to practice the new response or action.

By changing things up our brains will probably be discombobulated. That’s okay. It’s just the start of a new hard-wired habit.

Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.  ~Henry Ford

Mom the Encourager. [Cue theme music.] A big red cape effortlessly blows behind. Hands rest on hips. Boots wade through messes. A smile, happy children, and a sunny outlook abound. Picture perfect.

Not always. Ever had one of those days where the cape flaps in your face, your arms flair in the air, your boots have a leak, your face is red from counting to ten so many times (to help yourself), your children have been crying and it’s raining outside? Yep. I think every mom has … and those of us with strong willed children may experience those days more often than others. It’s those sorts of days that the furthest thing from our mind is how we can be encouraging, yet it’s the type of days that demand the most self-control of what comes out of our mouth.

Words … they have such power and can do plenty. Teach. Splinter. Love. Hurt. Strengthen. Demean. Joke. Enhance. Direct. Encourage. With just a couple words, we can change the feel of a conversation, crush someone’s spirit, or make someone’s day.

So what can we do when we have a cape-flapping day? Here are some tips:

1. Recognize when you’re about to short circuit and excuse yourself to regroup for a few minutes. It’s okay to step back from the situation and breathe. It models to our children that we know our limits and act … not react.
2. Leave the heavy sighing and eye rolling for when you are alone and taking your breather. Yes … we can all be guilty of those reactions or is that just me? Breathe and say a quick prayer for wisdom – it’s far more effective.
3. Listen for and address the deeper issue first. Often emotion-filled days are spent on dealing with surface issues rather than the deeper problem going on. Take time to assess the situation, the feelings your child may be struggling with, or undercurrents taking place.

By doing these things, we will help ourselves speak words of encouragement and instruction to our children rather than let loose splinters that just inflict pain and fester. Speak love, support, and affirmation. Words impact.

I was shocked. Stunned.

“How could someone do that … and right here?” I said to my husband and daughter.

Here we were sitting in a fast food drive-thru when the car in front of us opened up their car door and dumped an insulated coffee cup and lid onto the pavement. Perhaps it’s the teacher in me that couldn’t stand by and let them litter in such a way. Or perhaps my aggravation got the best of me since they had just passed a trash can in the drive-thru lane twenty feet earlier. Whichever it was, I couldn’t stand by and do nothing.  I got out of the car and walked to their driver’s side window which was open in anticipation of receiving their food.

“Is this your coffee cup here you just dumped out of your car?” I said to the driver. Stunned by my question, she stumbled for what to say.

“I’ll just pick it up for you and put it in the trash can you just passed.” I said.

“He can do it,” she said (presumably referring to a passenger in the vehicle). However, no one got out.

I reached down, picked up their discarded wet cup, carried it to the trash can, and got back in my car just in time to watch them drive away laughing. The disregard for property and the disrespect of others to clean up their mess saddened me.

As parents we teach our kids through everything we do–good, bad, or otherwise. Our kids are watching … how would you respond?