Today my daughter and I spent the afternoon being creative.We went to a pottery studio in Fruita, Colorado called “Stroke of Genius.” We recently discovered this place and being the artsy crafty types, we had to check it out. We were not disappointed. The owner, Anne, is a gem of a lady — such a delight, and the selection was extensive and unique. We had a fantastic time!

My daughter painted a plate shaped like a slice of pizza, while I tackled a glazing technique on a toothbrush holder. As my daughter painted her crust, Anne handed me a rust-colored bottle of glaze.

“Is this the green color?” I asked.

“Yes. It will be once it’s fired. This doesn’t contain any dyes, so the color you see isn’t what it will be. It’s what is inside that creates the beautiful green color once it’s fired.” Anne replied.

I painted on the rust glaze, but it looked more like a terra-cotta lump rather than a one-of-a-kind iridescent green toothbrush holder. I ignored what it looked like on the outside, and tried to imagine how the chunks I intentionally placed would melt down the sides when fired, to create the beautiful array of colors and hues.

“I thought you were using the green color, Mom?” my daughter said unimpressed by my terra-cotta container.

“I am. She said it’s what is inside that creates the color, so it won’t show up until fired.”

As we painted, glazed, and contemplated how incredible our pottery would look in the end, I couldn’t get out of my mind what Anne said, “It’s what is inside that creates the beautiful color …”

It’s what is inside that matters … an important truth that flows into every part of our lives. We often make sure we present ourselves in the right light, however it isn’t how great we look but what comes from our heart that counts. Life isn’t about our children being perfect performers, but more about whether we are helping them become all that God designed them to be.

As parents, it’s easy for us to look only at today rather than beyond the immediate picture. Just like my toothbrush holder, the colors we instill in our children won’t fully shine until they mature and endure a bit of fire along the way.

Let’s teach our children today what will help them glisten in the future. It’s the end result that matters!

Being a good parent is hard. No one likes to be the bad guy, but let’s face it — to be a good parent, there are times our children will NOT like our decisions.  

One of the hardest things about parenting is the immediate response and quick judgment calls we have to make. There is no way to preplan what will transpire from one day to the next. Without notice, we are faced with a situation that we aren’t prepared for, and suddenly we have to make a parental decision. Of course we all want to make the RIGHT one!

I often say that parenting isn’t a science or formula, although how convenient if it was … but then we’d have little robots running around and not children with their own unique abilities and talents. I have found that it is harder to retrain us parents than retrain our children. Children pick up on things quickly. We are slower to change or create new habits.

Meanwhile our children are little masterminds. They know our weak points. They know when we are stressed, tired, or juggling too many things and when we’re more apt to give in. They know how to be specific when they want to — “You didn’t say right NOW, you just asked ‘could you?’ ” They know in what circumstances they have a better chance of getting us to say ‘yes.’ They are geniuses!

So how do we as parents help ourselves make the better decision rather than give our children a reactive response? Here are three brief tips:

1. Breathe. Take a moment to count to 10 … okay in some instances 20. We tell our kids to do this, but I’ve found giving myself such a brief timeout has its benefits as well. When I speak without doing a fast regroup, I tend to be more of an extremist in my responses. This is never helpful in making the right decision.
2. Leave emotions outside. Know that you can vent your emotional reactions later when not in your child’s presence. This is especially true for tween to teenagers. Their hormones are all over the board and they need us parents to be the stable, unwavering adult. The best response we can give our tween/teen is one that is not emotionally charged. Doing this will help lessen the drama in the midst of the situation. If you are like me, this means you may need to go back to #1 above to accomplish this.
3. Defer the decision. In the midst of a situation where you feel a quick response is necessary, it’s okay to say, “We will discuss what we need to do about this and get back with you in a little bit.” Discuss the situation away from the children. Then let them know your decision when you have arrived at one.

We won’t be perfect at these steps in every situation. If you are, I applaud you — share your secret! But for the rest of us, we have to remember this is a process of learning. When we mess up, it’s okay to apologize to our children and let them know where we erred. That is great role modeling!

Taking time out before we respond, act, or speak, doesn’t show weakness or a lack of control. Instead, it shows the opposite. We are taking control of the situation, speaking calmly when ready, and removing the chance for being swayed by stress. Our children will notice how we respond. It may not stick when they are young, but guarantee they will remember our calm responses when they too become parents themselves.

I don’t live my life with regrets, but there are times I can look back and recognize if I had all the information then that I do now, I would have felt or acted differently. For example, I remember when the Internet was in its infancy and hearing about the “information highway.” I thought, whatever would someone do with that?! Hmmm. I feel differently now — to have information at my fingertips without leaving my home is invaluable.

This looking back applies to parenting situations too — if I knew then what I know now, some situations could have gone smoother. So for grins, I’ve compiled a brief list of what I wish I would have known 13 years ago. See if you can relate …

1. That modeling a clean bedroom would help teach my daughter the importance of cleaning her own bedroom.
2. That counting to 10 has its benefits for me too.
3. That understanding learning styles brings clarity to many situations.
4. That being a catering service to my child wouldn’t be the best choice.
5. That I learn more by listening, than talking.
6. That I would fail at times in my parenting skills, but my daughter is forgiving when I make it right.
7. That being human, not perfect is what matters most.

Knowledge is powerful. May we use the knowledge we gain, not to live in regret but to propel us forward to change the future!